


Sugar Rush

by Gadhar



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Gen, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gadhar/pseuds/Gadhar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's also the one who would turn down sex if he's too into his bag of <em>Cheetos.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Sugar Rush

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired because my emailed daily writing prompt was "Write a scene that takes place in the cereal aisle of the grocery store" and I remember reading something about Jason Statham eating junk food if he wasn't getting in shape for a movie role. Which basically means he essentially walks off the set after his final day of shooting saying, 'Later mates, gotta go eat some Cheetos and ice cream sundaes. Ooh, and Moon Pies. I love Moon pies."  
> I think that's fantastic.

"Why am I even _here?"_

"Someone needs to carry the groceries." 

"Do I look like a pack mule to you?" 

Barney turns, sizing Lee up real nice and slow just to get the man agitated. "Yes." 

Lee glares and throws another bag of frozen somethings at Barney's head, which he easily catches. 

"Shrimp, good call." Barney drops the bag into the cart and grins, moving down the aisle again and beckoning Lee to follow with a crook of his finger. 

"I fucking hate shopping. I don't even cook." 

Barney rolls his eyes. Everyone knows Lee loves to shop. He just doesn't like grocery stores, 'too many old ladies and douche-bags' he says. But that's only because he always helps the old ladies to their cars and he hates that he can't shoot the douche-bags. 

So no, Lee loves to shop. He just doesn't like shopping for _food._ It's ironic considering Lee is definitely the one who packs away the most. One would think it'd be Caesar or Gunner, but no, it's Lee. Granted all the boys eat like pigs at the table, but Lee is the one with food stashes in every safe-house and every car and in every little spot possible within each house and mode of transportation. He's also the one who would turn down sex if he's too into his bag of _Cheetos._

"You're not seriously buying that?" 

"What?" Barney looks innocently from the bottle in his hand to Lee and back. 

" _That._ That gnocchi terra don." 

"It's _Don Gioacchino Terra de'Donno."_

"What _ever,_ it's damn near fifty dollars for one bottle!" 

"So?" 

"So? _So?_ It's olive oil! You can get it for six bucks at Walmart." 

Barney gags. "That stuff is disgusting, _a disgrace._ If I'm going to cook Italian, then I'm gonna cook it right. Forget that piss water shit." 

"Oh, please." 

"Oh, _no._ Don't you 'oh, please' me. You wanna talk about expense? How about we discuss the fortune you spend on your damn tea every week!" 

"That's different!" Lee shouts. 

Barney gives the other patrons in the store a brief look, they're all staring at him and Lee, like they're a soap opera or something. 

Then again, they're scary muscular guys arguing about tea and olive oil so Barney can't really blame them. 

"It's really not, Lee. Come on." Barney puts the bottle in the cart. It's only _44.85 anyway._ That's not 50. 

"Can we at least get some cereal? If I have to see this cart filled with a bunch of Italian crap I'm never going to eat, I wanna see at least one thing I know I can survive on." 

That comment would hurt if there was any truth to it. Lee turns into a begging puppy when Barney cooks. But, he'll let the Brit have his dignity for now. "Alright, fine." 

They go to the cereal aisle and Lee begins his very in-depth investigative process that he employs whenever buying something. He's very picky. Heaven forbid he buys an off-brand of _Reese's Puffs_ that doesn't have the same level of chocolate taste that the original has. 

Honestly, Barney doesn't even understand how Lee does it or what he is doing exactly but after last time with the _Count Chocula_ that wasn't actually _Count Chocula,_ Barney doesn't argue. Lee had been so utterly _sad_ for three days until Barney went out and got the right thing. 

He's not going through that again. 

Lee comes back with an armful of cereal that he just drops into the cart. 

Barney isn't surprised to see some _Lucky Charms,_ _Cap'n Crunch,_ _Franken Berry,_ and, of course, _Count Chocula_ among them. "Going on a sugar-rush are we?" 

"Caesar likes to eat the marshmallows out of everything, I'm getting extra," Lee says before sprinting off down the aisle again to get triples of everything. 

Barney hopes it's triples. Quadruples are not going to fit in the cupboards. 

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Expendables, Cheetos, Reese's Puffs, Cap'n Crunch, Lucky Charms, Franken Berry, Count Chocula, Don Gioacchino Terra de'Donno olive oil, or Walmart. Which I thought was spelled Wal-Mart. Actually I had to look up the spelling of a number of these. Surprising.
> 
> Also, fuck if I know if Jason likes Moon Pies or not. He probably doesn't. He seems like a Little Debbie Swiss Rolls type of guy to me.


End file.
